Humiliated

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horselover1830
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Re: Humiliated

Post by horselover1830 » Thu Oct 04, 2012 1:55 pm

OMG! - I have triplets that are 4 - at the moment they are in a wonderful preschool & we were just told that only 1 will stay on (it is specifically for kids with "language issues") - I will come back here to read on - but just as an aside - yes - everything here is "wonderful wonderful" - took me a long time to find out no one is actually interested in hearing anything else.

griffin
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Re: Humiliated

Post by griffin » Fri Oct 05, 2012 9:35 am

Hi momof3,

I know how you're feeling! I have a hard time with the way things are communicated sometimes because so many things seem to be picked up "out of the air," with older parents passing information verbally down to newer, and if you are out of the social loop, you are going to feel very lost! My husband and I have some Asperger's tendencies ourselves, so I know this will be extra hard on you. It does get easier as you gradually pick up more social connections.

I have noticed now that I have been here longer, that other parents with problems like to ask their friends among the parents about it first, sort of as a sounding board to see how their problem is likely to go over or to look for ideas as to what to do about it. It sounds like the parents at your school are less approachable that way than the ones at mine, but feel free to ask us here at the forum anytime. But doing it at your school would be good too; if other parents are aware of your problems, they may start to notice similar problems in their own relationships with the teachers/school, and be able to advocate indirectly for you, at least for general improvements in responsiveness.

Alas, the system was not designed with us in mind! But we'll get through it anyway. Big hug.

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momof3
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Re: Humiliated

Post by momof3 » Mon Oct 08, 2012 9:02 am

Thank you everyone. Every little bit helps. It was a shock to the system to be called in for a meeting that felt more like a shakedown.
Sometimes politely nodding does not get the job done. Networking with chileno parents at least at my school takes place when they are tiny. I have some tiny kids too and am well informed on that front. My expat friends at the school with the tiny ones have their frustrations as well but they don't worry as much since, they will leave the country once the kids get older...
So for now the expat solution has been to smile, nod and leave. Great. The school never hears from the others. The others that I know of have approached me as of this post (apparently a lot of you read this forum) and quietly shared their tales. None with a happy ending. Every single solution involved leaving the school. The school has no idea that they were the cause. This is why they think I am batshit crazy.
People keep asking me for the name of the school. NO! You may encounter this at plenty of schools here. My kids are actually doing quite fine now thank you very much. What y'all need to do is somehow get the message across to these schools that if they want expat families at their schools they will have to do more than offer a textbook in english. They need to learn how to handle diversity if that is what they want to attract and keep. You parents need to find a way (obviously my strategy failed immensely ) to get this message across to them.
We agree to disagree.

rachelmarama
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Re: Humiliated

Post by rachelmarama » Mon Oct 08, 2012 10:45 am

thanks for sharing momof3. I have a 4.5 month old who will start school here in Chile - obviously not for a while, probably until age 10 or so, and then hopefully will get to finish school in NZ. I watch his brother and sisters who are chilean at school here and sometimes I worry about the system my son is going to go into, especially the rote learning and the pressure they put on kids to study for tests so young. I'm reading your stories to help build up strategies of how I can help him learn (not just memorise, but problem solving etc), and learn to enjoy school.... please keep your stories and solutions coming!
ps the cursive writing thing - I was taught to print and then write, probably like your son. I find it really hard to read the handwriting of any chilean - the swirls and swooshes turn it all into scribble! I like your idea of writing exercises at home and having one way of writing for school and another for everything else.

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zer0nz
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Re: Humiliated

Post by zer0nz » Mon Oct 08, 2012 11:47 am

rachelmarama wrote:thanks for sharing momof3. I have a 4.5 month old who will start school here in Chile - obviously not for a while, probably until age 10 or so, and then hopefully will get to finish school in NZ. I watch his brother and sisters who are chilean at school here and sometimes I worry about the system my son is going to go into, especially the rote learning and the pressure they put on kids to study for tests so young. I'm reading your stories to help build up strategies of how I can help him learn (not just memorise, but problem solving etc), and learn to enjoy school.... please keep your stories and solutions coming!
ps the cursive writing thing - I was taught to print and then write, probably like your son. I find it really hard to read the handwriting of any chilean - the swirls and swooshes turn it all into scribble! I like your idea of writing exercises at home and having one way of writing for school and another for everything else.
I remember NZ schools, you had to go through stages

1st you must print in pencil, then pen, then move into linked writing, they wouldnt let you move up until you mastered it.......

i got a computer at 10, lets say i never got past print! (nor spelling, i had spell checker... not that i use it (obviopo)!

and at the end of the day it didnt matter if you didnt link your writing, as long as teachers understood your point... linked writing is good for ... nothing.... ?

Donnybrook
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Re: Humiliated

Post by Donnybrook » Mon Oct 08, 2012 1:14 pm

What y'all need to do is somehow get the message across to these schools that if they want expat families at their schools they will have to do more than offer a textbook in english. They need to learn how to handle diversity if that is what they want to attract and keep. You parents need to find a way (obviously my strategy failed immensely ) to get this message across to them.
In my experience they are not that interested in expat children. The PSU and not diversity are the goal, although there are exceptions and private schools here are definitely not all the same. If the name of the school starts with L, they don't have a great reputation in the academic community and are known for chucking kids who might spoil their PSU numbers later on.

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MikieO
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Re: Humiliated

Post by MikieO » Mon Oct 08, 2012 1:26 pm

Not having any kids of school age I have no skin in the game, but in Chile I've found that what costs the opposing party money, gets their attention.
If you have or know an attorney, you might consider a written shot across the bows with a few references to failures to fulfil on the school's part. I have found Chilean lawyers to be relatively inexpensive to use but (like anywhere) you need to have the final say as to what's in the letter.
I bet the next meeting you have you'll have your agenda, pinned to your back with a dagger. :alien:
“Now, a lifetime of experience has left me bitter and cynical.” ~ Calvin & Hobbes

rachelmarama
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Re: Humiliated

Post by rachelmarama » Mon Oct 08, 2012 3:29 pm

1st you must print in pencil, then pen, then move into linked writing, they wouldnt let you move up until you mastered it.......
I remember first pencil, then pen, but I don't think my teachers really cared about linked writing. I think we had to learn it for a bit then we could write however we wanted to, so long as it was legible. I don't think legibility is important in Chile, it's how curly you can make everything!

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wiscondinavian
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Re: Humiliated

Post by wiscondinavian » Mon Oct 08, 2012 3:45 pm

rachelmarama wrote:
1st you must print in pencil, then pen, then move into linked writing, they wouldnt let you move up until you mastered it.......
I remember first pencil, then pen, but I don't think my teachers really cared about linked writing. I think we had to learn it for a bit then we could write however we wanted to, so long as it was legible. I don't think legibility is important in Chile, it's how curly you can make everything!

Yeah, people comment on my ugly handwriting all the time. If I'm feeling particularly snappy, I pull up a note that they themselves wrote, next to mine, and ask them to read the two notes. The 3 times I've done that, they've been able to read my note much easier than their own.

Also, what's up with the backwards 9s?

picalena
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Re: Humiliated

Post by picalena » Mon Oct 08, 2012 10:04 pm

I was waiting until I had time to really respond to this post, but time is a wasting on it. So here is a short reply: We had a very similar situation last year. A billion meetings, me constantly telling them what "tools" would work immediately with our son, them promising to do it, them not doing it, no one telling us things were problematic until we were called in for the come-to-Jesus-wow-it-is-really-bad-meeting. We are in a different school this year, now all is copasetic. In my unbiased and humble opinion, the school was definitely at fault. We saw behaviors we had never seen before in our son, and since he is now at a different school, have not seen since. As far as complaining goes, we must live in a different Chile than others because holy cow, I have never seen parents complain about crap like they do here. We have suffered through many parent meetings (at both schools) listening to the parents complain about the most rudimentary bs. It is no wonder they live with their parents here until they are 40 based upon what we have seen at the meetings. 'What!?!? You expect him to wipe his own bottom!?!? He is only 12?! You are a sadist!!!!" Eesh. Please don't start me on the handwriting. I can't read crap here, and it is frustrating that pl-ito gets low marks on handwriting because he doesn't elongate the "r" or the "s" enough on the paper until the point that you can't tell what it is supposed to be. Good grief. Several months ago our doctor wrote out a referral to a specialist, and I called the number three times at the clinic asking for three different attempts at what the name looked like, all answered with "quien?" I finally just generally googled the phone number and never in 4 million years would I have guessed the doctor's name based upon what was written on the paper. I crack up every time I write down my phone number and people ask me "Is that a 4?" AAACKKKK.

We feel your pain momof3. Just hang in there.

Peace,
pl, mr pl, pl-ito, pl-perra
A woodsman was once asked, “What would you do if you had just five minutes to chop down a tree?” He answered, “I would spend the first two and a half minutes sharpening my axe.” - Dubious source on the internet

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momof3
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Re: Humiliated

Post by momof3 » Mon Oct 08, 2012 10:43 pm

Ha! Found me in the eyes of chilenos. Meet Luther... and enjoy.
http://youtu.be/-qv7k2_lc0M
We agree to disagree.

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