Humiliated

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momof3
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Humiliated

Post by momof3 » Thu Oct 04, 2012 8:50 am

How bizarre I kept thinking, my kids are flourishing at the school. If I had kept my mouth shut. If I had stayed off campus my kids would be lost at school. There are other expats at the school. I don't know how they do it.
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zer0nz
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Re: Humiliated

Post by zer0nz » Thu Oct 04, 2012 8:55 am

chilean private school....... they are all the same, i can give you a list of people who have had exactly the same problems!

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momof3
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Re: Humiliated

Post by momof3 » Thu Oct 04, 2012 9:04 am

If they were at my school you would never know. Well, I do know of 2 other parents...and their kids were suspended, are failing etc. They are nice parents though. They wait till they are summoned. You know, when it is too late. When the kids are failing, suspended etc. Even then the parents politely nod and thank the school profusely for telling them.
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admin
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Re: Humiliated

Post by admin » Thu Oct 04, 2012 9:34 am

quick question, did you complain about something?

Reason I ask is, complaining, in Chilean culture, even if you have a legit reason, often gets you viewed as the problem. Especially if you did it in such a way as to embarrass the person at fault in pubic.

Not saying that is right, I am just saying that is how it is. There is right way and a wrong way to complain about something in Chile. Chilean culture has a lot in common with Asian cultures in that respect. You need to let the person that screwed up "save face".
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momof3
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Re: Humiliated

Post by momof3 » Thu Oct 04, 2012 9:44 am

...
We agree to disagree.

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momof3
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Re: Humiliated

Post by momof3 » Thu Oct 04, 2012 9:48 am

xxx
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wiscondinavian
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Re: Humiliated

Post by wiscondinavian » Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:05 am

Wut?

Seriously I don't know what the school's problem is. Yeah, helicopter parents are annoying, but that's not what you're being. You're just trying to be involved with your kids' schooling. And yeah, you've insisted various times BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN A RESPONSE. Are they so unaccostomed to parents taking an interest in their kids that they're not able to understand that this is a good thing?

The root here, is that you don't complain in Chile. I've found that complaining is rude, constructive criticism is rude, and anything but praise is rude.

So if you've even hinted that there is something that the professor or teacher could do to help your son do better, they probably took it as a personal attack.

Donnybrook
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Re: Humiliated

Post by Donnybrook » Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:13 am

zer0nz wrote:chilean private school....... they are all the same, i can give you a list of people who have had exactly the same problems!
No, they are not.

Mom, it is very frustrating coming into a new system for both parent and child. The first meeting I had with my son's teacher it was about his handwriting. Since he had come from a British school he learned a form of writing which starts with printed letters in a style which later joins up to make cursive writing in the British style, a sort of print script. When he entered 3rd grade here they had been doing cursive writing since 1st grade, complete with enough loops and swirls to make it look like one of Scarlet O'Hara's dresses. The teacher more or less implied that this was somehow my problem to solve. I simply said it was her professional problem if she wanted to change his writing style and I would do whatever was needed at home to support her. So he was given writing exercises to do. Now my personal feeling was that this was ridiculous. If his handwriting was legible it did not seem to make any sense to try to force a change, but this was an important matter for her apparently. We had a little handwriting session every day at home. Soon he could do both: one handwriting for school and another he used at all other times. There were other things; signing an acta about what had been discussed at any meeting with a teacher, rote learning, the poor English of some of the teachers (even those teaching it). We had definitely traded down as far as schools were concerned. But I never said so to anyone at the school. It was not as if they were deliberately using outmoded methods, they didn't know any others. I never criticised the school in front of him. It was a tough 5 years. We then moved to Santiago and were able to place him in a very good school and I was able to relax more.

Perhaps your concern for your son made you more aggressive in your interviews and emails than is the norm here. So you were perceived as a "problem" parent. That is a difficult thing to shake. What you intended as concern for your child may have been perceived as constant criticism of the school. No school reacts well to that.

Let it lie until this school year is over. If your son is doing alright then you need to just let him get on with it. Next year choose your battles and how you fight them. Patience.

Forget about it now and go do something nice for yourself!

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momof3
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Re: Humiliated

Post by momof3 » Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:36 am

Donnybrook wrote:
zer0nz wrote:chilean private school....... they are all the same, i can give you a list of people who have had exactly the same problems!
No, they are not.

Mom, it is very frustrating coming into a new system for both parent and child. The first meeting I had with my son's teacher it was about his handwriting. Since he had come from a British school he learned a form of writing which starts with printed letters in a style which later joins up to make cursive writing in the British style, a sort of print script. When he entered 3rd grade here they had been doing cursive writing since 1st grade, complete with enough loops and swirls to make it look like one of Scarlet O'Hara's dresses. The teacher more or less implied that this was somehow my problem to solve. I simply said it was her professional problem if she wanted to change his writing style and I would do whatever was needed at home to support her. So he was given writing exercises to do. Now my personal feeling was that this was ridiculous. If his handwriting was legible it did not seem to make any sense to try to force a change, but this was an important matter for her apparently. We had a little handwriting session every day at home. Soon he could do both: one handwriting for school and another he used at all other times. There were other things; signing an acta about what had been discussed at any meeting with a teacher, rote learning, the poor English of some of the teachers (even those teaching it). We had definitely traded down as far as schools were concerned. But I never said so to anyone at the school. It was not as if they were deliberately using outmoded methods, they didn't know any others. I never criticised the school in front of him. It was a tough 5 years. We then moved to Santiago and were able to place him in a very good school and I was able to relax more.

Perhaps your concern for your son made you more aggressive in your interviews and emails than is the norm here. So you were perceived as a "problem" parent. That is a difficult thing to shake. What you intended as concern for your child may have been perceived as constant criticism of the school. No school reacts well to that.

Let it lie until this school year is over. If your son is doing alright then you need to just let him get on with it. Next year choose your battles and how you fight them. Patience.

Forget about it now and go do something nice for yourself!

Yep, they are getting what they wanted. Hear no Momof3, See no Momof3, Speak no Momof3.
We agree to disagree.

Kimberley
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Re: Humiliated

Post by Kimberley » Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:53 am

it sounds like a very frustrating situation! and I hope things improve for you.
whilst I have no experience directly with schools, I think it terms of communication here in chile I have learnt that I am able to influence a situation more if I under-state my communication, remain calm and personalise the relationship as much as possible.
I think sometimes our desire for improvement can cause us to say things that may be completly appropriate and normal in our culture but are completely inapropriate and seen as a personal attack here in Chile. What you are saying and the way you say in (volume of voice, pitch, facial expressions) are equally important. My experience is that most people here in chile are not accostomed to "getting the job done" in the same way we are so they can find such attempts for improvement completely insulting. I'm not saying its right, but once you recognise the way they work its easier to either change the situation or just accept it for what it is.
Maybe invite them to your house for a dinner! ??

dmwbmw2
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Re: Humiliated

Post by dmwbmw2 » Thu Oct 04, 2012 12:01 pm

I feel your pain.

I had 5 kids in schools and universities here in Chile, now all through or back to Canada to complete except for 1, for a total of well over 50 kid-school years in a total of 7 institutions and three different cities.

The stories i could tell,....... but I really dont want to bring back such painful memories......

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momof3
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Re: Humiliated

Post by momof3 » Thu Oct 04, 2012 1:41 pm

dmwbmw2 wrote:I feel your pain.

I had 5 kids in schools and universities here in Chile, now all through or back to Canada to complete except for 1, for a total of well over 50 kid-school years in a total of 7 institutions and three different cities.

The stories i could tell,....... but I really dont want to bring back such painful memories......
If we could learn something from the stories it would help.
We agree to disagree.

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